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Using stories to talk about tech-based abuse

young person with phone talking with another person

Explore the tech-based abuse stories on this page with young people you are supporting through domestic and family violence to help them identify and talk about what may be happening in their own lives.

On this page:

About the stories

Children and young people experiencing tech-based abuse can feel alone and blame themselves, because they are unaware that others are going through it too. They can also find it difficult to talk about their experiences, but easier to discuss what’s happening to someone else in a story.

The 14 stories on this page explore various tech-based abuse scenarios experienced by children and young people. They are based on research and insights from services and organisations that eSafety works with.  

Three of the stories explore tech-based abuse which young people may experience in their own romantic or sexual relationships. These have been included because experiencing tech-based abuse as part of domestic and family violence may impact their online safety in other ways. For example, if a young person is used to being under an abusive level of surveillance from a parent, they may accept unhealthy controlling behaviours from someone they’re dating.

Each story has been developed to help children identify and better understand tech-based abuse, reflect on their own experiences, and build skills around online safety, boundaries and healthy relationships.

This approach is called narrative therapy. It helps children and young people externalise their problems, so they can safely explore different experiences, perspectives and solutions.

How to use them

As part of the risk assessment and safety planning, the child or young person may benefit from exploring these different scenarios to validate their experiences and concerns. For example, you could use role-play to explore how they could respond if the abuser tries to monitor their actions or gather information about them, their siblings or their protective parent or carer.

The stories are primarily recommended for use with older children (12 to 18). First you need to consider whether they are appropriate and safe for the child you are supporting. If so, choose one or more that are likely to be most relevant to them.

After reading through the story together, use the set of questions on this page to ask the child about it. The questions are designed to help you get a conversation started and draw out useful insights.

Answering the questions will:

  • help the child unpack what’s happening in the story
  • provide them with a sense of control over the narrative and outcomes
  • allow them to process their own experiences safely
  • empower them to apply safety strategies in their own lives.

For example, the safety strategies prompted by the discussion may include:

  • thinking about what information is safe to share online or in calls and what is not, such as their location, regular activities or who they spend time with
  • practising how to safely answer common questions the child might get, such as a friend asking them to share their live location.

Note: Your conversations with children you are supporting should always be trauma-informed, age-appropriate and based on their developmental stage.

Before starting, it’s best to follow your organisation’s policies and procedures to inform your risk assessment and planning and the ongoing support you need to give children.

The questions

These questions can be used with all the stories on this page. It’s best to ask them in order, but you can skip ones that have already been covered in previous answers.

Keep the focus on the behaviours in the stories and remain non-judgemental.

Discuss the experience of the child in the story  

  • What do you think they are feeling in this situation?
  • What might be going through their mind?
  • Who do you think they trust and why?
  • What would make them feel safer?
  • What do you think might be problematic or unsafe in this situation?  

Explore choices  

  • What options do they have in this situation?
  • What might happen if they did _____? How about other options? (Refer to Step 5 Online Safety strategies in the My Tech Safety Plan – step-by-step guide, for examples.)
  • What could be the safest choice for them?  
  • What might stop them from reaching out for help or asking questions?  
  • What do you think their friends might say about this situation?
  • What could make these places or platforms feel safer for young people?  

Identify strengths and supports

  • What strengths do they have that could help them in this situation?  
  • Who could they turn to for support?
  • If they were to ask for help, how might they do it?
  • How could a trusted adult help them in this situation?  

Explore safety planning and advice

  • What would you tell them, if they were your friend?
  • If you were helping them, what advice would you give?
  • What steps could they take to keep themselves safe?
  • How could they respond if this happened again?
  • How could they manage their safety online?  
  • What could they do if they felt scared or unsafe?
  • How could they protect themselves online or offline?

Reflect on personal relevance (Only if appropriate – you will need to determine the readiness of the child.)  

  • Is there anything you learnt from exploring this situation that you could bring into your life?  
  • Does this story remind you of anything you’ve seen or heard before?
  • What can we learn from this situation?  
  • If you were in a similar situation, what might you do differently?

Encourage the child to ask their own questions

Technology is always evolving, and new devices, platforms and apps can bring new opportunities as well as risks. Encourage the child you are supporting to ask you their own questions. This can help identify experiences and solutions that you didn’t expect.

Also, if they feel comfortable asking questions, they’re more likely to come to you or another trusted adult for help when they need it.  

The questions may also help identify new safety concerns – see the ‘My Tech Safety Plan’ for further exploration of tech-based abuse. 

Working with children

It is recommended you work directly with the child.  

If that’s not possible, these steps will help when working with the child indirectly.  

Working with the family

  • Parents generally want to shield their children from risks, but it may be useful to explain to them that children often sense these concerns and may feel unable to talk about them because the subject makes them feel uncomfortable, or it’s considered ‘taboo’ or ‘off limits’, or because they don’t want to upset their parent.  
  • Using the stories and questions with parents and carers can help them have open conversations with the child about tech-based abuse.  
  • Encourage parents and carers to set online safety rules together as a family, to keep children safe.  

Working with others in a care team

Organise a meeting to coordinate responsibilities for keeping the child safe, making sure appropriate strategies for tech-based abuse are included.

Adapting for age and stage of development  

Children have a right to express their views on matters affecting them. Upholding this right requires tailoring communication to meet their needs. This may mean adapting the way you use these stories and questions to best suit the child – considering factors such as their age, language and culture, developmental stage, disability or experiences of trauma.

  • Use age-appropriate or ‘child-friendly’ language to communicate effectively to ensure children can express their thoughts and experiences. This is especially important for young people who have disabilities or who are neurodivergent.  
  • Consider using other tools and resources that are tailored for younger children, if more appropriate (for example if they have a known developmental issue).
  • It may be best to complete the story work with the child across a few sessions, but it’s important to address any concerns at the time they raise them, even if it means suggesting temporary solutions such as logging out of accounts (for example gaming or messaging) and not using them until safety strategies are in place.  

eSafety also provides Online safety and sexual development guidance to understand how the online experiences of children and young people can impact, and be impacted by, their relationships and sexual development. 

The stories

Tech-based abuse in a child/young person's family relationship

These stories focus on various examples of tech-based abuse experienced by children and young people within a family situation. 

Click or tap on the + to reveal more. 

Linh noticed something odd one day when she realised her father seemed to know where she was when she left the house. After looking through her phone, she discovered that he had been using a tracking app to monitor her movements. At first, Linh didn’t think much of it. Her father would call her, asking why she was late or where she had been, which made Linh start to avoid telling her father things.

Beau’s dad wanted to stay connected outside their supervised visits. He gave Beau a smart watch so they could text. Beau felt like his dad always bought him gifts to remind him he was still around. However, Beau did not know that because his dad set up the accounts, he was able to check Beau’s location. He could see when Beau was home with his mum, enabling him to learn their regular activities and location. This put Beau and his mum at risk even though there was a protection order in place.

Eliza’s mum bought her a new laptop to help with schoolwork. When staying at her dad’s home, he set up the device and made an account in his own name. He put all the cool games he plays on the laptop, so they could hopefully play together. Eliza’s parents were going through a custody arrangement and the Court decided Eliza was no longer allowed to visit her dad in his home. 

Her dad was very angry. He created a fake player with a different username in the game they enjoyed playing together. He used this fake account to befriend Eliza on the game, and they stayed up late playing together. Eliza’s dad used this fake name to find out information about Eliza and the family. He was able to find out when Eliza was home alone, and one day he showed up at the house and told Eliza to come with him. 

Fortunately, their neighbour called the police who appeared in moments, and Eliza’s mum rushed home from work.

Jack had been excited when his mum met Hasan. At first, Hasan seemed kind, buying Jack an iPad and helping with his soccer practice. But then Hasan began checking his mum’s phone and accusing her of cheating. Hasan would take his mum’s phone as punishment but said it was to protect her from dangerous men. 

Sometimes, Hasan would even turn their wi-fi off or take Jack’s iPad away. He said it was for the whole household to learn a lesson. Jack was confused, upset and just wanted their home to be like it was before.

Layla was used to hearing from her mum at school. But lately, her calls had become frantic and controlling. She would shout at Layla, demanding to know where she was, even though it was clearly school time. The phone calls would come every break, and the constant interruptions had her on edge – wondering if her mum would show up at school.

One day, after Layla was late coming back into class after receiving another angry phone call from her mum, Layla’s teacher sent her to the principal’s office. The teacher didn’t understand. Layla wasn’t being rebellious; she was being harassed. 

Fortunately, Layla’s school counsellor recognised what was happening. With Layla’s permission, the counsellor explained the situation to Layla’s teacher, identifying the calls as harassing and not a behaviour issue.

Luca finds their community online, often posting and sharing in LGBTQIA+ groups. Luca's foster carer saw a comment that they did not approve of and took Luca’s phone away. Instead of understanding why Luca wanted to share their identity on a post to connect with people like themself, they cut Luca off from all devices. Luca was left feeling isolated.

Zoe thought she was helping her older stepbrother with his university homework when she shared her tablet with him.

Her mum was proud of her for sharing her tablet. But over time, her stepbrother knew about her online activity, reading her private messages without her permission. He sometimes found it funny to reply to her friends acting like her and sharing her personal photos to her friends. Zoe didn’t want to tell her mum, as her mum seemed so happy they were getting along.

Mustafa’s dad ‘friended’ him on social media, even though their relationship was not good. Mustafa reluctantly accepted, but he felt uncomfortable every time he posted. His dad would post photos of Mustafa, often making it look like they had a closer bond than they did. 

Sometimes Mustafa would notice his dad would create fake photos of them together. Mustafa thought he must be using AI apps. In the captions, he blamed Mustafa’s mother for not letting him see his son. Mustafa felt torn between trying to be nice to his dad and wanting to defend his mum from the mean things his dad was saying.

Ethan noticed that every time he talked to his dad on the phone, his dad would ask him about what was happening in the background of the video call: ‘What’s going on behind you? Wow, that view looks nice. Turn it around to show me.’

At first, Ethan didn’t think much of it, but it started to feel weird when his dad kept asking about his mum. His dad would say things like, ‘It looks like a sunny day where you are. Where are you now? Is your mum there too?’ 

Ethan felt like he had to keep things private to make sure his mum was safe, but he also loved his dad. He just wanted to talk to his dad without the drama.

Gabriel moved to a new town after his mum fled family violence perpetrated by his grandparents. Gabriel was hanging out with his new friends and ‘checked in’ on Facebook at a gig for a local artist. He saw a message from his uncle, who he hadn’t heard from in a while. ‘Hey, I saw your check in! Where are you today?’ 

At first Gabriel didn’t think much of it, and didn’t respond. But later that week, he saw his uncle in town. It was a bit weird, because Gabriel knew his mum did not tell the uncle where they had moved to and that she didn’t want him speaking to any of her family. 

Gabriel tried to ignore him, but his uncle stayed a distance and followed him around. Gabriel didn’t want his uncle to know where he lived, so he stayed at his friend’s house instead of going home. He couldn’t tell his uncle to go away, so he felt uncomfortable.

Sofiya was visiting her dad for the weekend. Everything seemed fine until she tried to text her mum. That’s when her dad snapped and said, ‘No, you’re not texting her right now. Give me your phone.’ 

He grabbed her phone and locked it in a drawer, telling her she would get it back at the end of the weekend. Sofiya tried to explain that she just wanted to tell her mum about her homework, but her dad wouldn’t listen and said, ‘You don’t need to talk to her. You’re with me now.’ 

Sofiya was upset and didn’t know what to do. Her dad was always controlling her and only allowed her to speak to her mum when he approved.

Tech-based abuse in intimate relationships

These stories examine tech-based abuse between young people in a romantic or sexual relationship.

Laura’s new boyfriend had a way of keeping her on edge, even when she wasn’t with him. Some days, she felt so happy in their relationship but other days she felt sad and confused.  His moods were unpredictable, and he often started arguments about little things. 

He would message her to see how her day was, how the shops, or the beach, were with her friends. But she soon realised she hadn’t mentioned some of these places to him. It was as though he was watching her every move, and it sent chills down her spine. 

She thought she was overthinking things and maybe it was a sign of love that he seemed so ‘obsessed’ with her. She soon realised she was being tracked.

Maryam's ex-boyfriend threatened to share private photos online with her family and friends which made her very fearful and embarrassed. She also found out that he had posted them to a private online group where images of girls are shared with others. The photos ended up on social media, where her family saw them. 

Maryam was humiliated and felt betrayed by Luke.  

(This type of behaviour is called image-based abuse and can be reported to eSafety. Find out more about image-based abuse.)

Alex started dating Mateo in Year 10. It was normal for all their friends to share their location. Apparently, in relationships it showed that you really like them, so they started to do it too. 

Alex realised Mateo began to call and text constantly, demanding to know why Alex was out and what he was doing. The constant checking began to feel like an invasion of privacy, and Alex couldn’t figure out how to get space or say ‘no’ to sharing his location without feeling like he was doing something suspicious.

Professional development

Reviewing the stories and questions within your service, organisation or practice can be a useful way for staff and volunteers to learn more about tech-based abuse and build their capacity for supporting children and young people.

eSafety also offers training for those working with children and young people.

eSafety support

Last updated: 03/09/2025

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