Child grooming

‘Child grooming’ is the term used when abusers build up trust with children under the age of 18 so they are more likely to respond to requests that can lead to sexual harm. Abusers usually want to persuade children into talking about sex, sending sexual images or videos, or getting sexual in a live chat or video call. When this happens online, it is sometimes referred to as ‘online sexual solicitation.’ They may also arrange to meet the child and harm them physically. 

The Australian Child Maltreatment Study shows that abusers are more likely to ask children to talk about sex or send sexual images as they get older. However, children aged 10 (and sometimes younger) are often targeted, so it’s important to talk about online safety with children early and continue the conversation as they get older.

Who are the most common abusers?

Just like with offline abuse, people who groom children online are usually adults. When it happens online, they are most often an adult who the child doesn’t know offline, but they can also be a relative, family friend, carer or someone who teaches or supports your child at school, sport or with other activities. They can also be an older child (sometimes older children are pressured by abusers to get sexual images or videos of others). Or they can be an overseas criminal.

As part of the Australian Child Maltreatment Study (ACMS), 3,500 Australians aged from 16 to 24 were surveyed to measure how common online sexual victimisation is before age 18. The survey looked at whether participants had a sexual image shared without their consent, and whether they had experienced grooming by an adult. 

See an infographic showing the results of the study.

Anyone who grooms a child for sexual abuse can be reported and charged by the police – find out what to do if you think your child is being groomed online.

Abusers often try to make the child feel ashamed or embarrassed, and reluctant to tell anyone about it. As a parent or carer, talking with your child about their online experiences and relationships, and knowing the tactics groomers use, can help you spot warning signs early.

These are some of the tactics used by abusers to groom children:

• They go onto platforms, games and apps that are popular with children so they can make friends with them. 
• They may use an avatar or fake profile to pretend to be someone the child is likely to be interested in or to feel they can trust, such as another gamer. This makes it easier to trick them into chatting and sharing. 
• They find out personal information about the child, from looking at what they have posted online or by asking them questions, to help develop a feeling of connection. As the ‘friendship’ or ‘relationship’ grows, the child becomes comfortable sharing more information about themselves. 
• They encourage the child to connect in private chats, direct messages and video calls, which makes it difficult to monitor and report abuse.
• They encourage the child to keep their connection a secret, and may try to emotionally and physically separate the child from their family and friends.
• They use the ‘always on’ nature of technology to keep in continuous contact with the child. This can increase the intensity of the relationship and make the contact hard to escape.
• They may use digital technology to track and harass children. This is sometimes called ‘cyberstalking.’ Cyberstalking is often accompanied by offline stalking and it can lead to physical danger. 

55% of young people have communicated with someone they met online.

Online spaces can make it easier to access children without the knowledge and supervision of parents and carers. So it’s important that you know the signs that an ‘online friend’ may be trying to develop an inappropriate relationship. 

Encourage your child to talk with you if they notice these behaviours. Then you can support them to report unsafe contact to the platform and get them more support.

Warning signs include if someone: 

• asks them a lot of questions about personal information soon after meeting
• starts asking them for favours and does things in return — abusers often use promises, gifts and favours to gain trust
• wants to keep the relationship secret — online groomers typically try to keep their relationships extremely private from the beginning, asking for it to be something ‘special’ just between the two people
• contacts them frequently and in different ways, like texting, on social media apps and through online chat services
• asks them things like who else uses their device or computer, or which room they use it in
• compliments them on their appearance or body or asks things like, ‘have you ever been kissed?’
• insists on meeting — tries to make them feel guilty or even threatens them if they are unwilling.

Not every experience of grooming is the same. For example, not all groomers will attempt to meet in person if their aim is to get sexual images or videos of children.

Any sexual activity between a child and an adult, including grooming, is child sexual abuse – even if it happens online. 

The abuser may share a sexually explicit image or video and ask for nude shots of the child. This can then be used to pressure the child to send more material, or to meet in person. See more information about sending nudes and sexting for parents and carers.

Find out more about how child sexual abuse happens online. You can watch a series of short animations to learn the basics. eSafety also provides advice for talking with children at different stages of development about online child sexual abuse in ways they will understand. Find out how to start the conversation with children aged 0 to 12 and young people aged 13 to 18.
 

Your child may not tell you if an online friendship or ‘relationship’ has become difficult or unsafe because they are embarrassed or ashamed, or afraid it might make things worse. This is what online groomers rely on. Your child may have welcomed contact from an abuser until it made them feel uncomfortable, so they could feel like they’re to blame. 

Look out for worrying changes in your child's behaviour or mood. Watch for signs of withdrawal, anxiety, sadness or changed interactions with family or friends.

If you find out you child has been groomed or abused, try to stay calm for their sake. Reassure them that it’s not their fault, they’re not in trouble and that you will help them get support and recover.

• To get urgent help for child sexual abuse, including grooming and sexual extortion, report what’s happened to the Australian Centre to Counter Child Exploitation (ACCCE).
• For further support, contact the Bravehearts information and support line. You can also find more resources and contact details for support services at the National Office for Child Safety.
• Report illegal and harmful online content, including child sexual abuse or exploitation material, to www.eSafety.gov.au/report so we can have it removed.

It may be helpful to encourage your child to talk about their experience with an expert at a free counselling and support service.

Support for you

You may need support for yourself, because finding out that your child has been groomed or abused can be very difficult. You may feel distress, fear, anger and isolation.

It can be helpful to talk with someone you trust, especially if the abuser is someone you know. This is very important if they may act dangerously towards you.

The person you reach out to for help may be a close friend, a family member, a health worker or an expert at a counselling and support service.

Try to maintain positive thoughts. Remind yourself that you are doing your best to protect your child.