Sending nudes and sexting
It is important to talk with your children about the possible consequences of sending or sharing intimate or sexually explicit messages, images, photos or videos.
Your support and guidance can help them understand what can happen and the action to take if things go wrong.
The term ‘sexting’ is not often used by young people or in popular culture. Young people are more likely to refer to other terms like ‘sending nudes' or ‘dick pics’.
This page is for parents and carers.
- How common is it?
- What are the risks?
- Sexting and the law
- How can I minimise the risks to my child?
- What can I do when things go wrong?
Targeted advice is also available for young people, or for adults who may be experiencing image-based abuse.
How common is it?
In a 2017 eSafety survey, 9 out of 10 young people aged 14 to 17 thought that sexting happened among their peers – as a kind of courtship behaviour.
However, it may not be quite as common as they think.
1 in 3 said they had actually experienced sexting in some way – whether sending, receiving, asking, being asked, sharing or showing nude or nearly nude pictures.
5% said they had sent an intimate image, and 19% of these said they did it because they trusted the person they sent it to.
15% reported being asked for an image, with 52% of requests coming from someone they did not know.
73% said they did not send an image after being asked (82% of 14 year olds compared to 66% of 17 year olds).
Find out more from eSafety research
What are the risks?
Sharing intimate images may seem like a bit of fun or innocent flirting for young people, particularly those in a relationship. But things can go wrong and it is important your child understands this.
The child loses control of the image
- Once an image is shared, it can be copied and saved by others, shared with people the sender does not know and posted on social media and public websites.
- Images can be extremely difficult to remove and the consequences can follow a young person into adulthood.
Things can go wrong – even in a trusted relationship or friendship
- A friend or partner may, on impulse and without thinking, share an image more broadly than the sender intended.
- An ex-partner or friend may intentionally share, or threaten to share, an intimate photo or video of a young person without their consent. This is image-based abuse.
Images may not always be sent willingly
- Young people may be forced or pressured into sending explicit images or videos.
- This may be a particular risk when communicating on a dating site or with strangers whose real motives might not be known or understood.
- Even young people who know each other may experience coercion or pressure to send a nude.
- Sometimes sexting can lead to ‘sexual extortion' when someone threatens to share an intimate image unless the person in the image pays money or gives into their demands.
You can find out more about sexual extortion in the image-based abuse section of the site. Read our guide to grooming and unwanted contact.
The consequences can be serious
For young people, sharing naked or sexually explicit images might result in:
- Humiliation, guilt, shame, anger and self-blame – leading to ongoing emotional distress, withdrawal from school and family life. In severe cases this can result in self-harm and suicidal thoughts.
- Bullying, teasing and harassment from peers – if photos are shared around their school community or friendship group.
- Damage to their reputation – it may impact on their reputation and performance at school, as well as employment opportunities in the future.
- Criminal charges and penalties – it is against the law to request, access, create, possess and/or share sexualised images of people under 18 years.
Sexting and the law
There are Commonwealth and state and territory laws that relate to sexualised images of children and young people under 18. (In some states, these laws only apply to images of children and young people under 16 or 17, but police in every state also have the option of using the Commonwealth laws, which apply to images of young people up to 18).
A young person who asks for, accesses, possesses, creates or shares sexualised images of someone under 18 may be at risk of criminal charges – even if both parties consented. Being found guilty of these offences can result in a criminal record and registration as a sex offender in some circumstances. This would prohibit them from working or volunteering in places involving children and may require them to regularly report to police and have restrictions placed on their freedom of movement.
Some states have added defences or exceptions to these laws for consensual sexting between young people of similar ages.
Given the laws in this area are complex, it is important to be aware of the law and the legal services that are available to advise and support young people who have been involved in sexting.
For more information about relevant laws in Australia, visit Youth Law Australia.
Welcome to eSafety’s presentation for parents and carers about online sexual harassment and image-based abuse.
Hi I’m Deb. I’m one of the team of people at eSafety who research and write online safety advice.
I’m also a parent, so I know how important it is to feel you can support your kids if they’re having issues, online or offline.
Connecting online can be a great way to learn and socialise, to access services and just to have fun, but it comes with some risks.
At eSafety, we’re seeing an increase in the number of young people coming to us for help dealing with online sexual harassment, as well as image-based abuse, which is when an intimate image or video of someone is shared without their consent.
This kind of behaviour can be incredibly distressing, but there are steps young people can take to deal with it, so that’s what we’ll look at in this video.
First up, online sexual harassment is never OK, regardless of gender, sexual preference, sexual identity or cultural background. No one should have to put up with it and it should never be seen as the fault of the person targeted.
Let your kids know that, so they’re not worried you’ll think they’re to blame if they ever need help. And make sure they know they can turn to you as their parent or carer, or to another relative or trusted adult like a teacher, or if it’s really serious, a member of our team here at eSafety. They don’t have to deal with sexual harassment on their own.
Unfortunately many teenagers, especially girls, think online sexual harassment is just part of life.
Sexist comments are quite common, along with repeatedly being asked for nude photos or to get sexual over a webcam. Unwanted nudes can be dropped into their messages or there could be bullying or rumours online about them being gay.
It’s really hard to manage that sort of pressure, especially when you’re young. And it’s not just on social media; it can happen in online games, video calls and texts too. But there are things they can do about it.
The first step is to collect evidence like site URLs or account addresses, user profiles and the dates when posts, comments or messages appeared. It all helps build a case to stop the harassment.
The next step is to report it to the site or app where it happened. Do you think the young people in your life know how to do that? Possibly not.
So here’s a good tip: Get them to show you how they would report sexual harassment in their top 3 apps. If they’re not sure, use The eSafety Guide to help them work it out.
If the site or app doesn’t help and the young person is being seriously harassed, humiliated, intimidated or threatened online, eSafety’s cyberbullying team can step in to stop the behaviour and remove the abusive content.
The young person can report it to us themselves, or you can do it for them if they’re under 18.
And now some advice about image-based abuse. That’s when someone shares a nude or sexual image or video without the consent of the person pictured, or threatens to do it. That’s illegal. The person responsible might be someone they know, or they’ve had a relationship with.
Young people sometimes share nudes or partial nudes, or even get sexual during a video call and record it. Then one of them or a friend might share that online thinking they’re being funny, or because they want to hurt the person shown. In some cases, an ordinary photo or video is altered to create a fake nude, which can be just as devastating when it goes public.
Would you know how to support your child if that happened to them? Remind yourself being abused is never their fault. You might not like the fact that they’ve shared intimate content, but they need to feel OK about coming to you, so the situation doesn’t get worse.
Help them collect evidence, like details of the site, user profile and date and time of contact, but never save nude or sexual photos of anyone under 18, it’s against the law. Then help them report the image based abuse to eSafety as quickly as possible, so we can help to get the content removed before it spreads.
Young people tell us they want practical help with that and getting information about counselling services like Kids Helpline.
There are also child sexual exploitation cases, where kids are tricked or coerced into sharing nude or sexual images.
Fourteen-year-old Adella thought she was chatting online to a friend of a friend called Jesse, who was the same age as her. After some flirting, she sent a topless picture of herself, then he threatened to share it unless she sent him nude videos. Thankfully she had the courage to report what happened and it turned out Jesse was an older man in the United States.
So, talk to your kids about the warning signs like someone is getting too friendly too quickly, promising them gifts and asking them to keep secrets.
If you suspect a young person’s being groomed or abused by a sexual predator reassure them they’re safe and they’re not in trouble. Then report it to police via the ThinkUKnow website, or you can make an anonymous call to Crime Stoppers on 1800 333 000.
We all need to help change the culture when it comes to sexual harassment and sharing intimate images without consent. So make it clear to your kids that this type of behaviour is never funny or justifiable, not even if something hurtful has been done to them.
Talking about respect, sex, consent and abuse with young people can be challenging, but don’t let that stop you. eSafety’s resources for parents and carers will help you start the chat.
You can also subscribe to our newsletter, to keep up to date with our latest research and advice. And let your kids know we also have tailored resources especially for them at esafety.gov.au/youngpeople.
It’s also a good idea to talk with your kids about how to contact people and services who can support them, like Kids Helpline, HeadSpace, QLife and ReachOut and encourage them to think about other trusted adults like family members, friends or teachers who they could they turn to if they were going through a tough time.
There’s support available for you too each state and territory has a dedicated Parentline service that offers advice and counselling. And if this topic brings up issues for you, you can also contact 1800 RESPECT.
I hope you’ve found this video useful remember you don’t have to have all the answers, but every conversation you have with your kids about online issues helps keep them a little bit safer.
Online sexual harassment and image-based abuse
How can I minimise the risks to my child?
Talk early, talk often
Match your approach to your child’s level of maturity, age and the type of relationship you share with them. Maybe take the opportunity for a chat while you are doing something together, like a long walk or a car trip.
You could start from a real life story in the media or from their school or community, asking questions like: Do you think it was right for her to share that photo after they broke up? Do you think it was right for him to post that video online of his friend having sex with a girl?
Explore what their friends think about sharing nudes. Ask what they think might happen if one of their friend’s nudes went viral, and how it might make their friend feel.
Let them know that they can always approach you if they feel pressured to share an image of themselves or if they have shared an image of someone else. Let them know that you will support them.
Check out our advice on having hard-to-have conversations with your child.
Promote self-confidence and that it is OK to say ‘no'
Explain that they do not have to send intimate images just because others do.
Let them know that it is OK to say ‘no’ when someone asks for an intimate photo, even if it is their boyfriend or girlfriend or someone they trust. Respecting their bodies and personal values is important.
Talk about ways your child can handle a request for a nude photo. They could respond in funny ways like sending a picture of some noodles or an animal.
What's the deal with sending nudes?
Sending nudes, like that's becoming a norm now.
Things can get out of hand pretty quickly with sending images.
People just don't think about it, and they're just like, oh cool.
It only takes one click and it's like, oh shit, what have I done.
Photos like that have a way of getting out.
Whether you know about it or not, they'll find a way out one day.
Trust the other person. If you don't trust them, don't do it.
You'll get there eventually if the person's there for the right reasons.
You don't have to try and capture them with your body by sending them a photo straightaway to put them on lay-by [laughs].
As long as the two people involved are consensual and respectful towards each other then I don't think anyone should feel pressured.
You shouldn't do it if you don't want to.
In fact, it's a turn off for me, if men start putting the pressure on me, I'm like, right, bye.
Only do stuff you're comfortable with. Relationships are all about communication.
So if someone's pressuring you, stick to your guns, and just be like, no, I'm sorry, I'm really not comfortable with that.
Maybe send a nude cat, or something, like the hairless cat.
I don't know, just play it off so you don't have to be uncomfortable in the situation.
Make it light.
Noodles, send noodles, yeah.
Send noodles. Not nudes.
Noods not nudes.
Want to find out more?
Send noods not nudes
If the unwanted requests continue, encourage your child to reply with a stern ‘no’. But if things get aggressive, your child should consider blocking the person and seek support from a trusted adult. It is also a good idea to save screenshots of any abusive or threatening message in case you want to report them later on.
Teach them about consent, personal boundaries and respect for self and others
Help them understand that they need a person's consent before they share an image of them.
Talk about mutual respect, trust and consent are why these behaviours are important to maintain healthy and respectful relationships.
Explain that pressure from a boyfriend or girlfriend to share an intimate image is not an example of a respectful relationship.
Talk about the risks – what can go wrong and the legal issues
Remind them that once an image is shared, it is almost impossible to get it back or control how it is shared.
Point out that images which include identifiable features, such as a person’s face, hair, tattoos, distinctive clothing or jewellery, can carry a higher risk. It may also be possible to identify someone by matching the background of the image to the background of their public profile pic.
Help them understand that viewing or sending intimate images can carry the risk of committing a crime, even if the image has been willingly shared.
What can I do when things go wrong?
Stay calm and open
- Try to approach the situation calmly. If you are upset or angry, your child may feel like they cannot come to you about other concerns in the future.
- Thank them for being brave enough to let you know.
- While being supportive, help them understand the consequences of their actions. Reassure them that they are not alone and you will work through this together.
Listen, and act fast
Gather as many details as you can and act fast to minimise the risk of harm – see advice below on steps you can take depending on the situation.
Seek help if you are concerned about your child
- Consider talking to your GP if you have other concerns about the health and wellbeing of your child and seek a referral to an adolescent psychologist.
- Young people can access counselling services from Kids Helpline (for 5 to 25 year olds) and headspace (for 12 to 25 year olds). Free and confidential legal advice is available from Youth Law Australia (for young people under 25 years) and local community legal centres can also assist with advice and referrals.
Steps to take depending on the situation
There are practical steps you can take to support your child. If the police get involved, you can seek advice about the relevant laws and your child’s rights from a lawyer or legal service. Legal issues tend to arise if the images involve someone under 18 or if a photo or video of someone has been deliberately shared without their consent.
If your child has sent an intimate image of themselves
Explain why it is a problem
- Gently remind your child that once an image is shared, it can be very difficult to control what happens to it.
- Help them understand that viewing or sending an intimate image carries the risk of committing a crime, even if they have willingly shared the image.
Try to limit sharing
- Ensure your child does not share the image with anyone else – delete the photo.
- Help your child ask the person who received the image to delete it and find out if it has been shared with anyone else. If not, ask them not to do so – explain that this is a serious matter and that police might be involved. If the image has already been shared, try to have it removed following the advice below.
- If you are considering contacting the other child’s parents, be aware that this may escalate the problem – barriers can go up and the blame game can start.
- If other students of your child’s school are involved, notify the school. With care and sensitivity, the school may be able to help minimise further distribution of the material by initiating contact with families and/or other schools of the children involved. (Be aware that some schools have mandatory reporting requirements and, depending on the circumstances, may be required to report the matter to relevant authorities).
Try to get the image removed
- Contact the online service provider where the material has appeared and report a complaint. The eSafety Guide has more information about how to report issues to commonly used online services.
- If the service provider does not take action after 48 hours, you or your child can report to eSafety using our online reporting form.
Report any serious concerns
- If you believe the request for intimate images was from an adult, contact your local police immediately as this may be a case of grooming by a sexual predator.
- If you are concerned that the image has been shared, or someone is threatening to share it, you can make a report to eSafety directly.
If your child has received an intimate image of someone
Report the situation if necessary
- If the material was sent by an adult, contact your local police.
- If the image sharing is unwanted and persistent (for example, if you or your child have asked them to stop sending images and they continue), you may consider reporting to the relevant service provider, or if necessary, reporting their behaviour to the school or police.
- If the service provider does not take action after 48 hours, you or your child can report to eSafety using our online reporting form.
- If you have made a report to police, please follow their advice. Do not close accounts or report them to the site if the matter is under police investigation (unless the police advise otherwise) as this may hamper the ability to retrieve evidence. It may be possible to deactivate your child’s account instead.
Unless advised otherwise by the police, delete the image
- Possessing, creating or sharing sexualised images of people under 18 may be unlawful. For more information about relevant laws in Australia, visit Youth Law Australia.
- You could also check out advice for family, friends and bystanders of image-based abuse.
Contact the sender if possible
- If the sender is another young person of a similar age who may not realise that the contact is unwanted, help your child set boundaries with that person and let them know that they do not want to receive any further material of this type.
- If they feel able, get them to ask the sender to delete the image.
- If you have asked for the behaviour to cease and it continues you may want to advise your child’s school (be aware that some schools have mandatory reporting requirements and depending on the circumstances, may be required to report the matter to relevant authorities).
- Explore options with your child to block the sender on their device, messaging apps and social media or through their mobile phone provider.
If your child has shared an intimate image of someone else
Try to get the full story
- Try to understand what has happened, how and why, including the impact it might be having on the child whose image has been shared.
- If the school or police are involved be sure to follow their advice.
Explain why it is a problem
- Remind your child that once an image is shared, it is almost impossible to get it back or control how it is further shared.
- Ensure they understand the potential consequences of their behaviour, for the person affected as well as themselves.
- Tell them that sharing or threatening to share, an intimate photo or video online of a person without their consent is called image-based abuse and may have legal consequences.
- Explain that it can be a crime to ask for, access, create, possess and/or share sexualised images of people under 18.
- You could also direct them to advice for people who have shared intimate images of someone else and wish to make amends.
Try to stop the image being shared
- Ensure your child does not share the image further.
- Encourage your child to ask anyone involved to delete the material from their devices and anywhere else they may have shared it.
- If the material has been uploaded onto a website, help your child contact the website to have it removed.
- Contact your child’s school to help you minimise further distribution. (Be aware that some schools have mandatory reporting requirements and depending on the circumstances, may be required to report the matter to relevant authorities).
Help your child to repair harm
- Encourage your child to do everything they can to repair any harm to the person in the image.
- If appropriate, this could include encouraging your child to meet with the affected person, listen to and accept what they have to say, and offer them a genuine apology. You and the family members of the affected person may want to offer support by being there with them when they meet or talk.
- See also ‘righting the wrong’, our quick guide for anyone who has shared an intimate image without consent.
Get help and support
Find a counselling and support service that is right for you or your child.