Online porn

Under 8 years old

Children in this age group are learning about the world and how they feel, including concepts around bodies, healthy relationships and ‘where babies come from’. They benefit most from close supervision, shared activities and reassuring conversations. 

• Keep explanations simple and calm. Be honest and straightforward when answering questions without giving more detail than necessary, especially if they’re not already aware of topics like sex and porn. This avoids making them more curious, or overwhelmed. Follow up by asking, ‘Do you have any other questions?’ or ‘Does that make sense?’
• Reassure them they are safe and not in trouble. If they’ve accidentally come across something sexual, emphasise that they did the right thing by telling you and it’s not their fault – it’s the platform’s job to prevent them from coming across this content.
• Explain what they could do if this happens again. You could gently suggest closing the screen or telling a trusted adult if content like this pops up in future.
• Help them understand it’s not real. You could say ‘You know how the cartoons and movies we watch together show things that aren’t real? Well porn and other sexual content is the same – it’s often a made-up or exaggerated version of what people do in real life.’
• Talk about body safety and boundaries. It’s never too early to introduce simple ideas about consent, kindness and respect in relationships. Conversations may start around topics like private parts, puberty and gender, before building up to discussing sex or porn later on.
• Join in with their online activities. Watching videos, playing games or exploring apps together can give you insights into how they understand their online world, as well as areas where they may need support. Talking about their experiences can help them recognise when something feels unsafe and encourage them to  come to you for help. Try asking questions like: ‘What do you like about this game?’, ‘How does this video make you feel?’
• Consider restricting devices to shared spaces. Keeping devices in open areas of the home can reduce accidental exposure and make it easier for younger children to ask for help if something pops up.
• Help them learn through activities and stories. Explore child-friendly resources together such as eSafety’s ‘Let’s talk about being safe online’, or early years activities that support conversations about consent, sharing responsibly, and asking for help. This can make learning feel safer and less pressured.

Ages 8 to 12

As children grow, changes in their brains and bodies along with peer influence and online exposure can increase your child’s interest in topics like sex, relationships and identity, even if they seem embarrassed to talk to you about them. They may hear things in the playground or be shown sexual content by friends, and they might look for answers online. Primary school‑aged children need guidance that builds skills, confidence and critical thinking, while still providing clear boundaries.

• Problem-solve together (without blame). Give your child a voice and guide them toward thinking in a way that focuses on safety. You could ask ‘What could you do next time if something sexual pops up and doesn’t feel right?’ Help them come up with ideas, such as closing the screen and telling a trusted adult.
• Be aware of peer pressure. Other children may share sexual content out of curiosity. Reinforce that it is never okay to show or share sexual images because it can harm people. Explain what ‘peer pressure’ is and help them practise what they could say or do if they feel pressured to look at or share sexual content.
• Explain clearly that porn is not real life. Talk about what porn shows and what it’s missing compared to real-life sexual intimacy and relationships, and why this matters – use language and examples appropriate to your child.
• Talk about consent and respect. Help them understand that healthy relationships rely on connection and mutual respect and that they always need permission to touch another person or share sexual content with anyone.
• Encourage them to question what they see. Support them to build their critical thinking skills especially when they come across something that feels confusing or ‘off’ – you could use information from our Critical thinking page for young people.  
• Set expectations for device use outside of the home. If your child is starting to spend more time with friends or at other people’s homes, remind them about risks and what they can do to stay safe.
• Use shared resources to start conversations. Books like ‘Let’s talk about being safe online’ as well as short videos and interactive activities can keep discussions ongoing and collaborative and help your child build essential online safety skills. You can also refer older children to trusted sources of information they can explore on their own, such as eSafety’s pages for children and young people.

Ages 13 to 18

Teenagers are typically developing a strong sense of who they are, what they care about and how they relate to others. They need space to develop independence – alongside mentoring, regular check-ins and clear guidance about responsibility and risk. Conversations about sexuality set your teen up for respectful relationships, support their wellbeing and help them make informed choices online and offline.

• Keep communication open and matter of fact. Stay interested in what they’re doing online while respecting their privacy. To get a conversation started you could try asking questions like ‘What do kids at school say about watching stuff like porn?’ or ‘Have you ever been sent anything sexual or been asked to share a nude? How did you feel?’
• Focus on safety and support, not blame. If they tell you, or you find out they’ve been watching porn or other sexual content, avoid reactions, judgements or ultimatums that may shut down conversation.
• Reinforce the message that porn is unrealistic. Remind them it’s scripted and edited and often features exaggerated storylines and behaviour. Porn may show violence and promote gender stereotypes and other harmful ideas about sex.
• Talk about the risk of porn becoming ‘normal’. Over time, repeated exposure to porn and other sexual content can desensitise people, which can stop them speaking up about it appearing where it shouldn’t, or reporting it.
• Ask what they think. Many young people recognise that porn can shape and sometimes distort their ideas about sex, sexuality and relationships, especially when it comes to consent, communication and connection. Listening first can open the door to deeper discussion. (You can find out more at eSafety’s research on young people’s attitudes towards online pornography and age assurance, as well as their encounters with online pornography.)
• Discuss consent and boundaries. Reinforce that everyone has the right to say ‘no’ or change a ‘yes’ to a ‘no’ at any time, and that a person’s decision should always be respected and they should only ever do what they feel comfortable doing. ReachOut has resources that may help you.
• Talk about body image and unhealthy ideals. Explain that most people do not look like actors in porn videos or images and that they may have had parts of their bodies surgically or cosmetically ‘enhanced’.
• Focus on healthy, respectful relationships. Discuss the elements that are usually missing from porn, like trust, emotional connection, protection and communication, and why they’re important.
• Help your teen understand their responsibilities, including the impact their actions can have on others. Explain that creating, showing or sharing sexual images is often unsafe and illegal, and that violent or abusive behaviour is never okay. You can also point them to trusted services like 1800RESPECT for information and support.
• Work together on safer strategies. Talk about what safe sex means, how to avoid unwanted contact and handle peer pressure and what to do if sexual material is shared without consent. ReachOut has resources that may help you.
• Support them to find other trusted sources of information. This helps them to build confidence in making safe, informed choices. You can refer them to eSafety’s pages for young people to explore together or on their own, and help them identify who they would go to if something felt wrong or confusing online.

Whatever age your child is, it’s worth giving them regular reminders that they can talk openly with you, even about awkward stuff – no topic is off limits.

For more tips on how to talk with young children, pre-teens and teens about tricky topics see The hard-to-have conversations.

For more detailed information on what’s typical, what’s risky and what’s not okay when children are exploring sexuality and relationships online, you can check eSafety’s Online safety and sexual development guidance.