Supporting kids dealing with tech abuse

Tech abuse is abusive behaviour that happens online, on a phone or when using other technology.

This type of abuse can make kids feel unsafe on their own devices – making it hard to stay connected with others.

Children in domestic and family violence situations can face different types of tech abuse:

1. Direct abuse from the perpetrator. This includes abuse, threats, harassment, monitoring and stalking, or cutting off a child’s access to technology. 
2. Indirect abuse directed at the non-abusive parent - through the child or the child’s technology.

The effects of tech abuse on kids and young people in domestic and family violence situations was explored in research commissioned by eSafety in 2020.

The most common forms of tech abuse involving children were: 

• monitoring and stalking – 45%
• threats and intimidation – 38%
• blocking communication – 33%.

This abuse typically involved everyday technologies – such as mobile phones (79% of cases), and mostly happened on text message platforms (75%) and Facebook (59%).

It caused real harm, negatively impacting children's mental health in 67% of cases. It also affected relationships with the non-abusive parent (59%) and children’s everyday activities (59%).

Read the full research report.

1. Acknowledge the child is a victim in their own right.
    
2. Take their concerns seriously and respond appropriately.
    
3. Do what you say you will do and don’t overpromise.
    
4. Don’t make assumptions about how they might be feeling towards either parent.
    
5. Acknowledge the important role that tech plays in a child’s life.
    
6. Remind them that the situation is not their fault.

Children being abused through technology are more likely to experience other types of abuse from the same person.

Find out more about specialist counselling services available to support kids and young people dealing with these situations. Read eSafety's advice for parents and carers who are supporting young people online.

Create a list of online safety rules to keep them safe, (providing they don’t put the child at greater risk). Child safety should always be your main priority.

It’s important to involve older children and teens in your planning. Develop a set of rules together that will keep them safe without aggravating the perpetrator to become more aggressive. Rules for younger children can be set by the non-abusive parent.

Technology is an important part of a child’s education and social life. Young people may rely on and interact with technology differently to their parents and carers, so it’s important for them to stay connected online where possible.

• Help to draw up a list of trusted family members and friends, with contact numbers and email addresses. Let the child know about other people who might help too – like a school counsellor or support service, such as Kids Helpline.
• Support them to think of ways to be safe if they want to stay connected with the offending parent. For example, they might need to be more cautious when they post online, especially if the parent wants to ‘friend’ them. You can also help them to practice answers to predictable questions that they might be asked by the offending parent.
• Help the non-abusive parent to understand the apps and websites their children use. Teach them to manage safety settings with their kids and learn about online risks. Read The eSafety Guide for safety information about social media, apps and games.

Find out more about tech abuse in domestic and family violence situations. 

eSafety offers professional development for domestic and family violence service providers, support workers and anyone who works with children and young people who may be dealing with technology facilitated abuse. 

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