What to do if you’re concerned about your child’s sexual behaviour online
When a child behaves in a sexually inappropriate way that puts them or another child at risk, it may be considered harmful sexual behaviour.
Curiosity about sex, bodies and relationships is a normal part of growing up for children, including teenagers, both offline and online. But when that curiosity goes beyond what’s typical for a child’s age or stage and becomes a pattern of behaviour that causes harm, it’s time to step in or seek additional support.
Harmful sexual behaviour can happen between friends and within relationships, or it may involve people who don’t know each other well, or have only just met. When it happens between children of a similar age it’s often called ‘peer-on-peer harmful sexual behaviour’.
This advice is for parents and carers who are concerned their child may be displaying harmful sexual behaviour online, and want to know what it is and what they can do.
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How is this different to child sexual abuse?
At eSafety, we use the term ‘child sexual abuse’ to refer to sexual activity involving an adult and a child, offline or online. It is serious and illegal, and there are things you can do to prevent it.
Harmful sexual behaviour between children is different – children are still developing their understanding of relationships, boundaries and consent, and we don't consider them to be ‘sex offenders’ or ‘perpetrators’. However, some forms of harmful sexual behaviour can have serious legal consequences.
What is harmful sexual behaviour?
Sexual development is a natural part of a child’s growth and learning. Today, much of this development happens online – children and teens may look up information about sex, chat with friends about relationships, or explore their sexual identity, including through social media.
A lot of this is considered typical at certain stages of development. For example, flirty messaging between two teenagers of a similar age is very different to two primary school children doing the same thing.
If your child does something inappropriate once and they stop the behaviour when you bring it up, this is less likely to be an ongoing concern. It’s when a child’s sexual behaviour is at odds with their age or level of maturity, and is resistant to change or harmful to themselves or others, that it may be time to seek support.
Sexual behaviour by a child, or between children, is generally considered harmful when it:
- is unexpected for the child’s age or developmental stage
- causes harm to the child, or other children
- is directed towards a child of a different age
- is repeated or persistent (not a one-off incident)
- continues even when the child is clearly asked or told to stop
- may involve pressure, threats, aggression, force or a misuse of power.
Typically, the level of concern increases the wider the age gap between the children – this is also the case if they don’t know each other well, and if the behaviour escalates over time.
Note: You know your child best. When assessing their behaviour, consider their developmental stage and context, as well as their age. What is safe and appropriate for a child depends on a range of factors, including whether they have neurodivergence or disability, and whether they have been exposed to sexual harm or abuse in the past.
How common is harmful sexual behaviour?
Research shows there may be thousands of children harmed each year in Australia by the sexual behaviours of other children.
While these numbers can be confronting, it's important to know that most harmful sexual behaviour by children is impulsive rather than planned. With the right support, children can learn to change their behaviour and are unlikely to continue it into adulthood.
What does harmful sexual behaviour look like online?
When inappropriate sexual behaviour occurs online it’s sometimes referred to as technology-assisted harmful sexual behaviour. Online sexual behaviours that may be considered harmful to children, include:
- watching online porn at a young age, especially if it’s violent or extreme
- sharing porn or other sexual content with other children
- creating or sending nude photos or videos of themselves, or other under-18s
- pressuring others to send nudes or videos or other intimate material
- sharing intimate images or videos without the consent of the person shown
- engaging in sexual or explicit chat (sexting), especially younger children
- posting sexually harassing comments or content about another child.
Real-life examples
Here's what harmful sexual behaviour online might look like in practice:
- A 10-year-old who stumbles on pornography online and then keeps seeking it out and sharing sexual content with friends, even after a parent has explained why it's not okay.
- A 14-year-old who repeatedly pressures a classmate to send nude photos through a messaging app, despite being told to stop.
- A 16-year-old who shares intimate images of their ex-girlfriend online without their consent.
When sexual behaviour may have more serious consequences
Some forms of harmful sexual behaviour can have legal consequences for your child – even if they didn't intend harm:
- Sharing an intimate image of someone under 18 without consent can be a criminal offence in most Australian states and territories. This is known as image-based abuse.
- Threatening to share someone's intimate image or video online unless they meet certain demands is a serious form of blackmail called sexual extortion (sextortion).
If you're worried your child may have done something that could have legal consequences, seeking advice early is important. A good first step is to reach out to a trusted counselling or support service.
Why children might not realise it's harmful
Children, including teenagers, may not recognise their online behaviour is harmful because:
- they don't think online actions 'count' in the same way as in-person behaviour
- they haven't learnt about consent and respectful relationships
- they feel pressure from peers or social media to be sexually active
- they may have been exposed to harmful ideas, such as ‘manosphere’ content
- they've seen similar behaviour in pornography and think it's normal
- something that started as mutual went too far or became one-sided
- their circumstances or experience may have affected what they think is okay (see risk factors).
Specific risk factors
According to child protection organisation Bravehearts, children are more likely to display harmful sexual behaviour if they’ve been exposed to:
- sexual abuse by an adult or harmful sexual behaviours by another child
- family and domestic violence, in their own home or witnessed elsewhere
- sexual material, especially violent, graphic or live content
- inappropriate sexual activity or pornography, especially at a young age
- unwanted sexual contact or child grooming
- child sexual abuse or exploitation, online or offline
- other forms of trauma, neglect or abuse.
Children with neurodivergence or disability may also be more at risk of engaging in, or experiencing, harmful sexual behaviour – for example, those who struggle to pick up on social cues, or have intense interests, including interests of a sexual nature.
These circumstances, and others, can warp a child’s understanding of relationships, boundaries and consent and what they recognise as ‘normal’ or okay. This can make it harder for them to know the difference between appropriate and inappropriate behaviour.
Signs of harmful sexual behaviour online
For parents and carers, recognising harmful sexual behaviours early, providing support, and seeking professional guidance is crucial.
You may not directly see your child's online behaviour, but you may sense something’s ‘off’, or someone else (such as another parent or teacher) may raise concerns. Signs that something might be wrong, include:
- increased secrecy about their online activity, for example quickly switching screens
- spending significantly more time online, particularly late at night
- having apps, accounts or devices you didn't know about
- viewing sexual images of children or showing sexual material to younger children
- a noticeable change in behaviour – becoming withdrawn, anxious, or more aggressive
- changes in sleep patterns, appetite, energy, concentration or usual activities
- physical symptoms (especially for younger children), like tummy aches
- using sexual language or showing sexual knowledge beyond what you'd expect for their age or stage.
If you notice several of these signs, or they keep happening, it’s worth checking in with your child and seeking support as needed.
What to do if you have concerns
If you discover your child is engaging in harmful sexual behaviour, you might feel shocked, confused or unsure what to do next. These feelings are normal. It's important to remember that this behaviour does not define your child, and it does not mean you are a bad parent.
With the right support, teens and younger children can learn from mistakes and change their behaviour. The following steps can help:
1. Respond calmly and stop the behaviour
- If you see the behaviour happening, calmly tell your child to stop.
- Try not to react with shock, anger or punishment, like taking their device away. While the behaviour may be upsetting, strong emotional or judgemental reactions can make it harder for your child to be honest about what happened or seek support.
- Be clear about what behaviour needs to stop. For example: ‘It's not okay to send pictures of your private parts to other people, even if they asked for them.’
2. Explain why it's harmful
- Explain why the behaviour is not okay in a way that is factual and appropriate for their age and level of understanding. For example: ‘Once you send an image, you can't control where it goes or who sees it. It can also be upsetting or harmful for the other person.’
- Being clear and specific is particularly important for younger children and those with neurodivergence or disability.
- Do not label your child or under-18 as ‘bad’. Focus on the behaviour and the impact it may have had on others, while helping your child understand how to make safer choices.
- Listen to what they have to say without judgement to try and understand why the behaviour might be occurring.
3. Help them manage the situation
- If your child's harmful sexual behaviour involves another child or children, help them address the issue, and tailor your support and guidance to your child's age and maturity.
- Whether they've sent sexually explicit material or messages, or shared intimate images or posts, the first step is to help them remove the harmful content.
- Help them say sorry to the other child or children and check those involved are being supported. Depending on the situation, it may be more appropriate to apologise through a parent, carer or other trusted adult.
- If the material is still online, you may be able to report it to the site or service used to share or send it. Check The eSafety Guide for links to common apps and platforms.
- Let the affected child, or a trusted adult acting on their behalf, know they can report the content or behaviour to eSafety if it’s seriously harmful and the service or platform doesn’t help. They can also try Take It Down - a free online service that helps to remove online nudes or sexually explicit photos and videos of under-18s.
4. Keep the conversation going
- One conversation is unlikely to be enough. Use this as an opportunity to talk regularly and openly about bodies, boundaries, consent, respectful relationships and online behaviour. Help your child understand what respectful online interactions look like and why consent matters, so they’re better able to recognise harmful behaviours before they escalate.
- Reassure them that your role is to support them and help them learn. These discussions can be important teachable moments that strengthen your child's understanding and reduce the risk of future harm.
5. Support safer online habits
- Depending on your child's age and needs, this may include reviewing privacy settings, using parental controls, creating a family technology agreement, or spending more time talking about what they do online.
- Help them develop empathy, impulse control and decision-making skills by discussing how their actions affect other people and what they could do differently next time.
- Model the behaviour you wish to see, including respecting your child’s privacy for instance when using the bathroom, and asking for their consent before posting a picture of them online. It’s also important to be open about mistakes you make online and what you do to make things right.
6. Seek additional help if needed
- If you’re unsure whether a behaviour is cause for concern, speaking with a professional who knows your child, such as a GP or psychologist, is a good first step.
- It can also be helpful to talk with your child’s school, including wellbeing staff, who may be able to provide support and help develop an appropriate plan.
- If the behaviour is persistent, causing harm, or you’re concerned about your child’s wellbeing, contact a counselling or support service as soon as possible. Specialists can help you understand what’s happening and how best to respond.
Counselling and support services
You do not have to manage this alone. Free, confidential child and family support services can be contacted online or by phone:
- Stop It Now! Australia provides anonymous, specialist support related to preventing child sexual abuse, including advice for parents and carers worried about a child's sexual behaviour.
- Bravehearts is a child protection organisation providing advice and support for the prevention and treatment of child sexual abuse. Bravehearts’ Turning Corners is a program for 12-to-18-year-olds (and up to 21 for those with an intellectual impairment) who have engaged in, or are at risk of, engaging in harmful sexual behaviours.
- Kids Helpline offers confidential 24/7 online and phone counselling for children and young people aged 5 to 25.
- Headspace provides 1-on-1 mental health support via online chat, phone and email for 12-to-25-year-olds and their family.
Remember that with the right support, harmful sexual behaviours in children are unlikely to continue.
If you’d like to learn more about your child’s sexual development and how this can play out online, you’ll find more detailed information in our Online safety and sexual development guidance. While it’s designed for frontline workers, this evidence-based resource highlights what behaviours are typical versus concerning at different stages. It also provides practical strategies that parents and carers can use to help their children develop safely and confidently, online and offline.
Stay safe
Last updated: 08/09/2026
